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Human bonding is the process of development of a close, interpersonal relationship. It most commonly takes place between family members or friends, but can also develop among groups such as sporting teams and whenever people spend time together. Bonding is a mutual, interactive process, and is different from simple liking.
Bonding typically refers to the process of attachment that develops between romantic partners, close friends, or parents and children. This bond is characterized by emotions such as affection and trust. Any two people who spend time together may form a bond. Male bonding refers to the establishment of relationships between men through shared activities that often exclude females. The term female bonding is less frequently used, but refers to the formation of close personal relationships between women.
The term comes from the 12th century, Middle English word band, which refers to something that binds, ties, or restrains. In early usage, a bondman, bondwoman, or bondservant was a feudal serf that was obligated to work for his or her lord without pay (in modern usage, a bondsman is a person who provides bonds or surety for someone).
In the 4th century BC, the Greek philosopher Plato argued that love directs the bonds of human society. In his Symposium, Eryximachus, one of the narrators in the dialog, states that love goes far beyond simple attraction to human beauty. He states that it occurs throughout the animal and plant kingdoms, as well as throughout the universe. Love directs everything that occurs, in the realm of the gods as well as that of humans (186a–b).
Eryximachus reasons that when various opposing elements such as wet and dry are "animated by the proper species of Love, they are in harmony with one another ... But when the sort of Love that is crude and impulsive controls the seasons, he brings death and destruction" (188a). Because it is love that guides the relations between these sets of opposites throughout existence, in every case it is the higher form of love that brings harmony and cleaves toward the good, whereas the impulsive vulgar love creates disharmony.
Plato concludes that the highest form of love is the greatest. When love "is directed, in temperance and justice, towards the good, whether in heaven or on earth: happiness and good fortune, the bonds of human society, concord with the gods above—all these are among his gifts" (188d).
In the 1660s, the Dutch philosopher Spinoza wrote, in his Ethics of Human Bondage or the Strength of the Emotions, that the term bondage relates to the human infirmity in moderating and checking the emotions. That is, according to Spinoza, "when a man is prey to his emotions, he is not his own master, but lies at the mercy of fortune."
In 1809 Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, in his classic novella Elective Affinities, wrote of the "marriage tie," and by analogy shows how strong marriage unions are similar in character to that by which the particles of quicksilver find a unity together through the process of chemical affinity. Humans in passionate relationships, according to Goethe, are analogous to reactive substances in a chemical equation.
The term pair bond originated in 1940 in reference to mated pairs of birds. It is a generic term signifying a monogamous or relatively monogamous relationship in either humans or animals. The term is commonly used in sociobiology and evolutionary psychology. Pair bonding, usually of a fairly short duration, occurs in a variety of primate species. Some scientists speculate that prolonged bonds developed in humans along with increased sharing of food.
According to limerence theory, posited in 1979 by psychologist Dorothy Tennov, a certain percentage of couples may go through what is called a limerent reaction, in which one or both of the pair may experience a state of passion mixed with continuous intrusive thinking, fear of rejection, and hope. Hence, with all human romantic relationships, one of three varieties of bonds may form, defined over a set duration of time, in relation to the experience or non-experience of limerence:
The constitution of these bonds may vary over the course of the relationship, in ways that may either increase or decrease the intensity of the limerence. A characteristic of this delineation made by Tennov, is that based on her research and interviews with over 500 people, all human bonded relationships can be divided into three varieties being defined by the amount of limerence or non-limerence each partner contributes to the relationship.
In 1958, British developmental psychologist John Bowlby published the ground-breaking paper "the Nature of the Child's Tie to his Mother," in which the precursory concepts of "attachment theory" were developed. This included the development of the concept of the affectional bond, sometimes referred to as the emotional bond, which is based on the universal tendency for humans to attach, i.e. to seek closeness to another person and to feel secure when that person is present. Attachment theory has some of its origins in the observation of and experiments with animals, but is also based on observations of children who had missed typical experiences of adult care. Much of the early research on attachment in humans was done by John Bowlby and his associates. Bowlby proposed that babies have an inbuilt need from birth to make emotional attachments, i.e. bonds, because this increases the chances of survival by ensuring that they receive the care they need. Bowlby did not describe mutuality in attachment. He stated that attachment by mother was a pathological inversion and described only behaviors of the infant. Many developmental specialists elaborated Bowlby's ethological observations. However, neither Bowlby's proximity seeking (not possible for human infants prior to walking) nor subsequent descriptions of caregiver–infant mutuality with emotional availability and synchrony with emotional modulation include the enduring motivation of attachment into adult life. The enduring motivation is the desire to control a pleasantly surprising transformation that is the route of belief in effectiveness by humans. This motivation accounts for curiosity and intellectual growth of language, mathematics and logic, all of which have an emotional base of security.
Of all human bonds, the maternal bond (mother–infant relationship) is one of the strongest. The maternal bond begins to develop during pregnancy; following pregnancy, the production of oxytocin during lactation increases parasympathetic activity, thus reducing anxiety and theoretically fostering bonding. It is generally understood that maternal oxytocin circulation can predispose some mammals to show caregiving behavior in response to young of their species.
Breastfeeding has been reported to foster the early post-partum maternal bond, via touch, response, and mutual gazing. Extensive claims for the effect of breastfeeding were made in the 1930s by Margaret Ribble, a champion of "infant rights," but were challenged by others. The claimed effect is not universal, and bottle-feeding mothers are generally appropriately concerned with their babies. It is difficult to determine the extent of causality due to a number of confounding variables, such as the varied reasons families choose different feeding methods. Many believe that early bonding ideally increases response and sensitivity to the child's needs, bolstering the quality of the mother–baby relationship—however, many exceptions can be found of highly successful mother–baby bonds, even though early breastfeeding did not occur, such as with premature infants who may lack the necessary sucking strength to successfully breastfeed.
Research following Bowlby's observations (above) created some concern about whether adoptive parents have missed some crucial period for the child's development. However, research on The Mental and Social Life of Babies suggested that the "parent-infant system," rather than a bond between biologically related individuals, is an evolved fit between innate behavior patterns of all human infants and equally evolved responses of human adults to those infant behaviors. Thus nature "ensures some initial flexibility with respect to the particular adults who take on the parental role.”
In contrast to the maternal bond, paternal bonds tend to vary over the span of a child's development in terms of both strength and stability. In fact, many children now grow up in fatherless households and do not experience a paternal bond at all. In general, paternal bonding is more dominant later in a child's life after language develops. Fathers may be more influential in play interactions as opposed to nurturance interactions. Father–child bonds also tend to develop with respect to topics such as political views or money, whereas mother–child bonds tend to develop in relation to topics such as religious views or general outlooks on life.
In 2003, a researcher from Northwestern University in Illinois found that progesterone, a hormone more usually associated with pregnancy and maternal bonding, may also control the way men react towards their children. Specifically, they found that a lack of progesterone reduced aggressive behavior in male mice and stimulated them to act in a fatherly way towards their offspring.
The human–animal bond can be defined as a connection between people and animals, domestic or wild; be it a cat as a pet or birds outside one's window. Research into the nature and merit of the human–animal bond began in the late 18th century when, in York, England, the Society of Friends established The Retreat to provide humane treatment for the mentally ill. By having patients care for the many farm animals on the estate, society officials theorized that the combination of animal contact plus productive work would facilitate the patients' rehabilitation. In the 1870s in Paris, a French surgeon had patients with neurological disorders ride horses. The patients were found to have improved their motor control and balance and were less likely to suffer bouts of depression.
In the 19th century, in Bielefeld, Germany, epileptic patients were given the prescription to spend time each day taking care of cats and dogs. The contact with the animals was found to reduce the occurrence of seizures. In 1980, a team of scientists at the University of Pennsylvania found that human to animal contact was found to reduce the physiological characteristics of stress; specifically, lowered levels of blood pressure, heart rate, respiratory rate, anxiety, and tension were all found to correlate positively with human–pet bonding.
Historically, animals were domesticated for functional use; for example, dogs for herding and tracking, and cats for killing mice or rats. Today, in Western societies, their function is primarily bonding. For example, current studies show that 60–80% of dogs sleep with their owners at night in the bedroom, either in or on the bed. Moreover, in the past the majority of cats were kept outside (barn cats) whereas today most cats are kept indoors (housecats) and considered part of the family. Currently, in the US, for example, 1.2 billion animals are kept as pets, primarily for bonding purposes. In addition, as of 1995 there were over 30 research institutions looking into the potential benefits of the human–animal bond.
There is evidence in a variety of species that the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin are involved in the bonding process, and in other forms of prosocial and reproductive behavior. Both chemicals facilitate pair bonding and maternal behavior in experiments on laboratory animals. In humans, there is evidence that oxytocin and vasopressin are released during labor and breastfeeding, and that these events are associated with maternal bonding. According to one model, social isolation leads to stress, which is associated with activity in the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis and the release of cortisol. Positive social interaction is associated with increased oxytocin. This leads to bonding, which is also associated with higher levels of oxytocin and vasopressin, and reduced stress and stress-related hormones.
Oxytocin is associated with higher levels of trust in laboratory studies on humans. It has been called the "cuddle chemical" for its role in facilitating trust and attachment. In the reward centers of the limbic system, the neurotransmitter dopamine may interact with oxytocin and further increase the likelihood of bonding. One team of researchers has argued that oxytocin only plays a secondary role in affiliation, and that endogenous opiates play the central role. According to this model, affiliation is a function of the brain systems underlying reward and memory formation.
Because the vast majority of this research has been done on animals—and the majority of that on rodents—these findings must be taken with caution when applied to humans. One of the few studies that looked at the influence of hormones on human bonding compared participants who had recently fallen in love with a control group. There were no differences for most of the hormones measured, including LH, estradiol, progesterone, DHEAS, and androstenedione. Testosterone and FSH were lower in men who had recently fallen in love, and there was also a difference in blood cortisol for both sexes, with higher levels in the group that was in love. These differences disappeared after 12–28 months and may reflect the temporary stress and arousal of a new relationship.
In 1962, while a freshman history major at Harvard, Mark Granovetter became enamored of the concepts underlying the classic chemistry lecture in which "weak" hydrogen bonds hold huge numbers of water molecules together, which themselves are held together by "strong" covalent bonds. This model was the stimulus behind his famous 1973 paper The Strength of Weak Ties, which is now considered a classic paper in sociology.
Weak social bonds are believed to be responsible for the majority of the embeddedness and structure of social networks in society as well as the transmission of information through these networks. Specifically, more novel information flows to individuals through weak than through strong ties. Because our close friends tend to move in the same circles that we do, the information they receive overlaps considerably with what we already know. Acquaintances, by contrast, know people that we do not, and thus receive more novel information.
In 1976, sociologist Diane Vaughan proposed an uncoupling theory. It states that during the dynamics of relationship breakup, there exists a "turning point," only noted in hindsight, followed by a transition period in which one partner unconsciously knows the relationship is going to end, but holds on to it for an extended period, sometimes for a number of years.
When a person to which one has become bonded is lost, a grief response may occur. Grief is the process of accepting the loss and adjusting to the changed situation. Grief may take longer than the initial development of the bond. The grief process varies with culture.
|This section is written like a personal reflection or opinion essay rather than an encyclopedic description of the subject. (November 2013)|
The human bonding process is the sharing of time, talent and treasure. The sharing cultivates relationships which can range in depth from a social acquaintance to enduring love.; Indeed, it has been said that love is the bond of perfection. Human bonding can be considered as a process in and of itself or it can be viewed in a broader perspective as a component of the metamorphosis of a relationship from superficial to substantive. It can be transcendental, that is, the development of an acquaintanceship into a friendship and possibly into an enduring loving relationship. In this respect, bonding, that is, the sharing of time, talent and treasure is one of a number of factors that coalesce in the formation of a relationship. The critical components of sustainable relationships that differentiate the superficial from the substantive dictate the influence of the bonding process on the development of the relationship. In other words, the qualities that are essential to an enduring loving relationship and the characteristics or qualities of the different types of love, that is, sensual erotic love, phileo love and agape love determine the extent of the bonding process.
Sensual erotic love is the brain’s response to messages from our senses, that is, our eyes, ears, our olfactory sense and our sense of touch. It is the brain’s response to a fabulous face; a certain smile; the sound of a voice; the touch of a hand; and/or a fragrance. The intense physical attraction, passion and elation that may occur are not the result of directed behavior. Rather, it is a physiological sensorial response causing our endorphins, especially dopamine, to be activated in a natural euphoria. The stimulating effect of sensual erotic love is readily apparent and recognized. The passion stimulates the desire to want to be with, see, hear and touch the person. Sensual erotic love cannot be fabricated; its formation is beyond the control of the conscious brain. That is not to say that sensual erotic love cannot occur as a relationship based on phileo and/or agape love matures. Sensual erotic love is spontaneous, while phileo and agape love, are conscious and deliberative processes. Human bonding may occur as part of sensual erotic love where the bonding takes the form of physical interaction. While the significance of sensual erotic love cannot be overstated, if this type of love does not transcend into and intertwine with phileo and/or agape love, it is ephemeral and will not endure A desensitization process occurs that diminishes the sensorial response over time. Just as the brain spontaneously creates the passion of sensual erotic love, the brain diminishes the passion.
In contrast to sensual erotic love which is spontaneous, phileo and agape love are conscious and deliberative processes. Phileo and agape love take time to evolve and in many respects are like a garden requiring cultivation, nurturing and germination to blossom into a substantive relationship. It is in phileo and agape love that human bonding is critical to the loving relationship. The core qualities of the relationships include the sharing of time, talent and treasure. It is the sharing that is of great importance in the development of the relationship. In the process of sharing, other core qualities of phileo and agape love must be present, including five interrelated qualities: commitment, respect, honesty, loyalty and communication. There must be commitment to the person and relationship. Respect for the person encompasses respecting the person’s ideas, feelings, space, body and property and includes honesty and loyalty. Communication is essential to the bonding process. In the absence of the development of the foregoing qualities during the bonding process, it is unlikely that a loving relationship will survive, unless it is unconditional or agape love. In addition, selflessness, affection, caring and understanding are qualities that are essential to an enduring relationship. Evaluation of the relationship during the bonding process is required to determine its sustainability. The relationship can be scrutinized for the qualities of mutual respect, honesty, loyalty, communication, consideration, understanding and selflessness in order to assess its sustainability. When many of the foregoing qualities of phileo and agape love are not present, it is not likely that the bonding process will result in an enduring relationship.
The mechanics of bonding involve sharing and communication. Sharing common interests, such as hobbies, travel, music, reading, cooking, sports, cultural events and many other activities is the foundation of the bonding process that cultivates a loving relationship. Sharing also enhances the communication process which aides understanding and provides the opportunity to express affection, caring and selflessness. The sharing of time in doing things together, in discussing all topics, and in respecting each other’s ideas and feelings are significant to sustaining a relationship. The presence of compatible values, interests and attitudes facilitates the development process. If there are no common interests to share, the relationship is severely limited. Bonding cannot occur and phileo and agape love cannot be developed in the absence of sharing time together and doing things that are mutually enjoyed.
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