Friend zone

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Painting by Marcus Stone.

In popular culture, friend zone refers to a platonic relationship wherein one person wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not.[1][2] It is generally considered to be an undesirable or dreaded[3] situation by the lovelorn person.[4]

Application[edit]

There are differing explanations about what causes a person to be placed in the friend zone by another. It might result from misinterpreted signals or from a fear that a deeper relationship might jeopardize the friendship. A Chicago Tribune writer suggested there were several cases in which someone might become relegated to the friend zone: (1) person A is not sufficiently attracted to person B, (2) person A misinterprets nonverbal cues from person B signaling their interest in deepening the relationship, (3) there is sexual repulsion (but not enough to block a friendship).[5] In a friendship between the two people, being relegated to the friend zone can happen to either person.[5] In another instance, a woman described her male friend, someone she was comfortable with as if he was one of her girlfriends, but their relationship became problematic when he wanted their relationship to develop romantically but she did not.[6] One man compared the friend zone to being a "third wheel" and having only a platonic relationship with a woman.[7]

Marshall Fine of The Huffington Post suggested that the friend zone is "like the penalty box of dating, when your only crime is not being buff and unobtainable."[8] Dating adviser Ali Binazir described the friend zone as Justfriendistan, and wrote that it's a "territory only to be rivaled in inhospitability by the western Sahara, the Atacama, and Dante's Ninth Circle of Hell."[4] Mastin Kipp of the Huffington Post described himself as always having girlfriends who were "girls" but were only his "friends", meaning there was no sex between them.[9]

There is general agreement that once someone is in the friend zone, it is difficult to get out.[10][11] However, there was a report in Cosmopolitan magazine that suggested that a friend-only relation could change into a sexual one.[12] It was based in part on a 2001 Match.com survey in which 71% of respondents hoped that they would fall in love with a friend.[12]

Despite the pitfalls of friend zones, there have been views advanced that a friend zone relation can evolve from "the lingering possibility of becoming more than a friend" into something deeper, particularly if the friend-zone friendship leads to a long term feeling of trustworthiness and intimacy.

Popular culture[edit]

The term began as a reference to a television show called The Twilight Zone which featured normal people caught up in weird places or situations, and applied the sense of trapped and inexplicable frustration to a dating relationship. It was popularized by a 1994 episode of the American sitcom Friends entitled "The One with the Blackout", where the character Ross Geller, who was lovesick for Rachel Green, was described by character Joey Tribbiani as being the "mayor of the friend zone".[13] The question of whether a man can ever "escape the friend zone and begin dating one of his female friends" helped make the "geek dream couple"[14] of Ross and Rachel storyline dramatically compelling, according to viewers.

Since then, the friend zone concept has often been a plot element in television shows and films. The 2005 film Just Friends main character, played by Ryan Reynolds, reunited after ten years with his friend played by Amy Smart, who informs him that she loves him "like a brother", essentially dashing any hopes of him having her as a girlfriend. In May 2011, MTV had a show entitled FriendZone. In an interview with a national publication, a producer said:

The idea for the show came out of my own experience. Unfortunately, I know the pain of telling the girl of your dreams you love them and want to take the relationship to the next level only to be told they don't feel the same. I figured if it happened to me, it might be something others could relate to as well. If it works, you have the beginnings of a great love story. If it doesn't, well, pain and humiliation make great TV, too."

—an MTV producer[15]

See also[edit]

References[edit]

  1. ^ Emily Yahr (July 25, 2010). "The CW's 'Plain Jane,' a not-so-extreme makeover show". Washington Post. Retrieved 2011-02-24. "she harbors a hard-core crush on her buddy Ty, who has categorized her in "the friend zone" since college." 
  2. ^ Oxford Dictionary, friend zone, Accessed Jan. 22, 2014, "...a situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unrequited romantic or sexual interest in the other..."
  3. ^ Amy Kaufman, Los Angeles Times, February 15, 2011, 'The Bachelor' recap: Girls get wild in Anguilla, "...the dreaded friend zone..."
  4. ^ a b Ali Binazir M.D. M.Phil. (February 2011). "How to stay out of the Friend Zone". taoofdating.com. Retrieved 2011-02-24. 
  5. ^ a b GINA B. (January 12, 2007). "What's so bad about the friend zone?". Chicago Tribune. Retrieved 2011-02-24. 
  6. ^ Kimrie Pham, Oct 29, 2013, Elite Daily, Why Guys Shouldn’t Treat The Friend Zone Like The Twilight Zone, Accessed Jan. 22, 2014, "...He’s like, he’s like, one of my girlfriends!..."
  7. ^ November 21, 2005, Susan King, Los Angeles Times, Following his life into the 'love zone', Accessed Jan. 22, 2014, "... I was the third wheel who would listen to all of her problems, and we would have platonic sleepovers like in the movie..."
  8. ^ Marshall Fine (May 10, 2010). "HuffPost Review: Just Wright". Huffington Post. Retrieved 2011-02-24. 
  9. ^ Mastin Kipp (June 3, 2010). "Choosing a Better Kind of Love". Huffington Post. Retrieved 2011-02-24. 
  10. ^ Dr. Alex Benzer (April 2, 2009). "How Rich Guys Screw Up Their Chances with Women". Huffington Post. Retrieved 2011-02-24. 
  11. ^ Los Angeles Times, The Art of Getting By' review: As it turns out, some teenagers are awkward and shy, Accessed Jan. 22, 2014, "...about escaping teenage gloom or the friend zone..."
  12. ^ a b "When you fall for a guy pal: the "just friends" zone is like relationship quicksand, but you can get out with a few strategic maneuvers.". Cosmopolitan. 2006-06-01. Retrieved 2008-01-14. 
  13. ^ "Friends: The One With the Blackout Recap". TV.com. Retrieved 2008-01-14. 
  14. ^ "IGN's Top 10 Favorite TV Couples". IGN. Retrieved 2008-01-14. 
  15. ^ "FriendZone Casting Site"