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Codependent relationships are a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. People with a predisposition to be a codependent enabler often find themselves in relationships where their primary role is that of rescuer, supporter, and confidante. These helper types are often dependent on the other person's poor functioning to satisfy their own emotional needs.[1] Codependency often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.[2] Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships.[2] Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns.[1]

Development and scope of concept[edit]

According to disability studies specialist Lennard J. Davis, historically, the concept of codependence "comes directly out of Alcoholics Anonymous, part of a dawning realization that the problem was not solely the addict, but also the family and friends who constitute a network for the alcoholic."[3] It was subsequently broadened to cover the way "that the codependent person is fixated on another person for approval, sustenance, and so on."[3] As such, the concept overlaps with, but developed in the main independently from, the older psychoanalytic concept of the 'passive dependent personality' ... attaching himself to a stronger personality."[4] Some would retain the stricter, narrower dictionary definition of codependency, which requires one person to be physically or psychologically addicted, such as to heroin, and the second person to be psychologically dependent on that behavior.[5]

Patterns and characteristics[edit]

Codependency describes behaviors, thoughts and feelings that go beyond normal kinds of self-sacrifice or caretaking. For example, parenting is a role that requires a certain amount of self-sacrifice and giving a child's needs a high priority, although a parent could, nevertheless, still be codependent towards his/her own children if the caretaking or parental sacrifice reached unhealthy or destructive levels.[2] Generally, a parent who takes care of his/her own needs (emotional and physical) in a healthy way will be a better caretaker, whereas a codependent parent may be less effective, or may even do harm to a child.[2] Another way to look at it is that the needs of an infant are necessary but temporary, whereas the needs of the codependent are constant.

People who are codependent often take on the role of mother hen; they constantly put others' needs before their own and in doing so forget to take care of themselves. This creates a sense that they are "needed"; they cannot stand the thought of being alone with no one needing them. Codependent people are constantly in search of acceptance. When it comes to arguments, codependent people also tend to set themselves up as the "victim". When they do stand up for themselves, they feel guilty.

Codependency does not refer to all caring behavior or feelings, but only those that are excessive to an unhealthy degree.[6] Indeed, from the standpoint of Attachment theory or Object relations theory, "to risk becoming dependent"[7] may be for the compulsively self-reliant a psychological advance, and "depending on a source outside oneself ... successful, or tolerable, dependence" [8] may be valorized accordingly.


Main article: Narcissism

Narcissists, with their ability to "get others to buy into their vision and help them make it a reality," are natural magnets for the "'co-dependent' ... [with] the tendency to put others' need before their own".[9] Sam Vaknin considered that codependents, as "the Watsons of this world, 'provide the narcissist with an obsequious, unthreatening audience ... the perfect backdrop.'"[10] Among the reciprocally locking interactions of the pair, are the way "the narcissist has an overpowering need to feel important and special, and the co-dependent has a strong need to help others feel that way. ... The narcissist overdoes self-caring and demands it from others, while the co-dependent underdoes or may even do almost no self-caring."[11]

In psychoanalytic terms, according to the great Robert Victor, the narcissist "who manifests such 'omnipotent' behaviour and who seems to be especially 'independent' exerts an especially fascinating effect on all ... dependent persons ... [who] struggle to participate in the 'omnipotent' narcissist's power":[12] narcissist and codependent "participate together in a form of an ego-defense system called projective identification."[13]

Alan Rappoport identifies codependents of narcissists as "co-narcissists."[14] According to Richard Rappaport, "the codependent narcissist gives up his or her own needs to feed and fuel the needs of the other."[15]

Inverted narcissists[edit]

Sam Vaknin—"a self-help author who openly discusses his experiences as a person with narcissistic personality disorder"[16]—has identified a special sub-class of such codependents as "inverted narcissists."

Inverted or "covert" narcissists are people who are "intensely attuned to others' needs, but only in so far as it relates to [their] own need to perform the requisite sacrifice"—an "inverted narcissist, who ensures that with compulsive care-giving, supplies of gratitude, love and attention will always be readily available ... [pseudo-]saintly."[17] Vaknin considered that "the inverted narcissist is a person who grew up enthralled by the narcissistic parent ... the child becomes a masterful provider of narcissistic supply, a perfect match to the parent's personality."

In everyday life, the inverted narcissist "demands anonymity ... uncomfortable with any attention being paid to him ... [with] praise that cannot be deflected." Recovery means the ability to recognize the self-destructive elements in one's character structure, and to "develop strategies to minimize the harm to yourself."[citation needed]


There are various recovery paths for individuals who struggle with codependency.

For example, some may choose behavioral psychotherapy, sometimes accompanied by chemical therapy for accompanying depression.

There also exist support groups for codependency, such as Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA), Al-Anon/Alateen, Nar-Anon, and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA), which are based on the twelve-step program model of Alcoholics Anonymous and also Celebrate Recovery a Christian, Bible-based group. Although the term codependency originated outside of twelve-step groups, it is now a common concept in many of them.[18]

Often an important result of a Family Intervention is to highlight codependent behaviors of various family members. This is sometimes a great help in encouraging the codependent person to accept help.

Many self-help guides have been written on the subject of codependency. One of the first was Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, published in 1987. Beattie has since written several other books on the subject. Other authors include Pia Mellody (Facing Co-dependence) and Shirley Smith (Set Yourself Free).

Harmful effects of unaddressed codependency[edit]

Unresolved patterns of codependency can lead to more serious problems like alcoholism, drug addiction, eating disorders, sex addiction, and other self-destructive or self-defeating behaviors.[19] People with codependency are also more likely to attract further abuse from aggressive individuals, more likely to stay in stressful jobs or relationships, less likely to seek medical attention when needed and are also less likely to get promotions and tend to earn less money than those without codependency patterns.[19]

For some, the social insecurity caused by codependency can progress into full-blown social anxiety disorders like social phobia, avoidant personality disorder or painful shyness.[19] Other stress-related disorders like panic disorder, depression or PTSD may also be present.[19]


See also[edit]


  1. ^ a b Johnson, R. Skip (13 July 2014). "Codependency and Codependent Relationships". Retrieved 9 September 2014. 
  2. ^ a b c d Codependents Anonymous: Patterns and Characteristics
  3. ^ a b Davis, Lennard J. (2008). Obsession: A History. London: University of Chicago Press. p. 178. ISBN 0-226-13782-1. 
  4. ^ Berne, Eric (1976). A Layman's Guide to Psychiatry and Psychoanalysis. Penguin. pp. 64 and 241. ISBN 0-345-30922-7. 
  5. ^ "Codependent | Define Codependent at". Retrieved 2012-11-14. 
  6. ^ a b c d e f g h i Moos, R.H.; Finney, J.W. and Cronkite, R.C. (1990). Alcoholism Treatment: Context, Process and Outcome. New York: Oxford University Press. ISBN 0-19-504362-6.  [page needed]
  7. ^ Casement, Patrick (1996). Further Learning from the Patient. London. p. 131. 
  8. ^ Phillips, Adam (1994). On Flirtation. London: Harvard University Press. p. 54. ISBN 0-674-63440-3. 
  9. ^ Simon Crompton, All About Me: Loving a Narcissist (London 2007) p. 157 and p. 235
  10. ^ Crompton, p. 31
  11. ^ Charles L. Whitfield, Co-dependence: Healing the Human Condition (1991) p. 55
  12. ^ Otto Fenichel, The Psychoanalytic Theory of Neurosis (London 1946) p. 510
  13. ^ Whitfield, p. 57
  14. ^ Rappoport, Alan, PhD. Co-Narcissism: How We Adapt to Narcissistic Parents. The Therapist, 2005.
  15. ^ Richard L. Rappaport, Motivating Clients in Therapy (Routledge 1997) p. 66
  16. ^ Rose, Paul; Campbell, W. Keith (2004). "Greatness Feels Good: A Telic Model Of Narcissism And Subjective Well-Being". In Shohov, Serge P. Advances in Psychology Research 31: 3–27. ISBN 978-1-59033-958-9. 
  17. ^ Wyn Bramley, Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered: How Couples Really Work(London 2008) pp. 31–2
  18. ^ Collet, L (1990). "After the anger, what then? ACOA: Self-help or self-pity?". Family Therapy Networker 14 (1): 22–31. 
  19. ^ a b c d "Codependence", in: Benjamin J. Sadock & Virginia A. Sadock (eds), Kaplan & Sadock's Comprehensive Textbook of Psychiatry on CD, Philadelphia: Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 7th ed. 2000, ISBN 0-7817-2141-5, ISBN 2-07-032070-7.
  20. ^ a b Affleck, Glenn; Tennen, Howard; Croog, Sydney; Levine, Sol (1987). "Causal attribution, perceived benefits, and morbidity after a heart attack: An 8-year study". Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 55 (1): 29–35. doi:10.1037/0022-006X.55.1.29. PMID 3571655. 
  21. ^ Gomberg, Edith S Lisansky (1989). "On Terms Used and Abused: The Concept of 'Codependency'". In Gomberg, Edith S. Drugs & Society 3 (3–4): 113–32. doi:10.1300/J023v03n03_05. ISBN 978-0-86656-965-1. 
  22. ^ Prest, Layne A.; Benson, Mark J.; Protinsky, Howard O. (1998). "Family of Origin and Current Relationship Influences on Codependency". Family Process 37 (4): 513–28. doi:10.1111/j.1545-5300.1998.00513.x. PMID 9934570. 
  23. ^ Codependency / Dysfunctional Families Archive copy, July 24, 2008
  24. ^ Cermak, Diagnosing and Treating Codependency, 1986[page needed]

Further reading[edit]

External links[edit]